Achoo!
As it turns out Texas is just as likely as Minnesota to make spring EXTRA fun, hello allergies! XD
Thankfully Allegra-D exists, and for a little over a dollar/day the worst of symptoms are kept at bay. I can live with an itchy nose, what I can't function with is lack of sight and breathing... breathing is important.
Allergic reactions aside, the weather is quite nice and the Dallas atmosphere is as pleasant as it is humid (how does that work?)
This past week I had a lot of homework, which was good to test my academic writing skills (and get myself off Nintendo Switch for a few evenings.) I've been playing Super Smash Bros Ultimate with some friends on campus as of late, even going to a few money tourneys!
It's not gambling if it requires skill ;)
When I'm not doing homework, I've had a real drive to hit the gym, and three months later results are starting to show and it feels great!
Ah... what a time to be alive. Mobile phones, hot meals thrice daily, dozens of friends and mint Oreo's everywhere. And yet, sudden waves of sadness sweep into my heart at the most random moments.
Is it Bipolar? Perhaps. Honestly though, I think it's tied to the irrational fear... the fear of failing. No idea what I could possibly fail; grades are up, supportive people all around me, and yet there's still a pressure hanging above my cranium. Not crushing, but uncomfortable.
When I experience these "panic attacks" (which have been lessening over the weeks) I get a tunnel-like perspective on any given situation. It's odd talking about it now, with me being in my right-mind currently, and thinking back to when I wasn't. It's a spacey feeling, one where I lack control and just want to sit in a dark room... alone... and safe.
It's like me as a person, a paradox: I want everyone to notice me AND at the same time I wish that no one would.
Goodness, why must I be so complicated lol
Talking about your feelings and experiences can really be therapeutic and may be the 'push' to get you on the flip-side. When I sit down and talk with friends (or acquaintances) I will often get anxiety the first few minutes of our discussion. Eventually the topic at hand will distract me from my self-focused thoughts and WHAM, 30
minutes have passed full of laughs and good times.
The same applies in the big-picture. When we constantly focus on cause and effect, we may miss out on the present experiences. A good friend of mine told me the other day that being rigidly-organized is healthy, but can be destructive in it's own way. In other words, be organized only to the point that you can successfully go about your week, while having surprises throughout.
I recommend you throw a surprise your way from time-to-time. Like a sneeze, it sometimes comes out of nowhere but you feel good afterwards. Ex: Buy yourself a gadget, grab some ice cream, take that extra long shower you've wanted for a while.
That last one sounds good... bye!